Where to start in therapy? I feel like it's a great question. Oftentimes when I do free 15 minute like phone calls with people before starting therapy, I notice that this question will come up. People will say, "Lily, how will I know where will I start?"
Sometimes I want to say, "Start here. Start there. Where would you like to start?"
Though I know it's not always helpful because that is really broad.
I'm saying this because I appreciate how if you're in really general therapy for something pretty big say, anxiety or depression, knowing where to start is hard! It's overwhelming! In therapy for erectile dysfunction, it's equally really hard to know where to start. Particularly when erectile dysfunction brings with it a great dose of societal taboo and shame. It takes a lot to begin! You may want to start with this - perhaps with how erectile dysfunction affects you in your life right now...
Some therapists might want to do a history first or they want to know about your
upbringing or your current life circumstances. This may mean that you're directed in this sense and your therapist might have an agenda (in the best sense), that is, that they have a plan for your session.
With me, I don't work in that way in therapy. I like to give my clients permission and the space to start wherever they wanted to. And I know that that can sometimes be hard.
But I want to stress that I want you, my client, to start wherever feels important, honestly. Some people will start with how they are in that moment, kind of their current life.
Some people will decide to go all the way back and tell their story.
For me, as a therapist, I'm interested to know how you might be and what life is like.
And then we would, we would kind of go from there. This is to say, starting in therapy will depend where you're at.
I want to ask: What do you want to talk about? Where would you like to start?
I do this, giving you a big space for yourself, because there are no right or wrong answers here. I think that's worth pointing out.
However! If you started a session and you're like, "Hey, Lily, help me out. I don't know where to start."
I get it. It's overwhelming. This is your whole life. And even though it's yours, you may not know what is important or interesting to share. You may even be very self-conscious of not wanting to do therapy "wrong" or be scared to be "boring." I'd want to speak about excatly this! I'm interested in this too and that can be a part of the conversation and we might start from exactly there.
Not knowing where to start is a place to start. So start anywhere that you want. With therapy with me, there's no right or wrong. If you struggle, then tell me and I will lead the way. I can be mega, mega curious. I can ask a thousand questions. Trust me, it can. It could be endless.
There's no right or wrong place to start in therapy, therapy generally but also therapy for erectile dysfunction. I really appreciate how starting is hard enough and not knowing where to start doesn't help. But this can be a part of the conversation in therapy.
Written by Lily Llewellyn
28th January 2025
Lily is a psychotherapist trained and educated in person-centred counselling to master's level and achieved an MA in anthropology. Her areas of interest include our relationships with ourselves and others.
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